Floggers....and Paddles....and Whips....
OH MY!!!

What the Heck is BDSM Anyway?

It sounds ominous but isn't really, defining all those combinations of letters is really pretty simple and can be broken down to the following:

• Bondage means restraining people so they can't move.
• Discipline is some form of erotic punishment which might include pain, humiliation or a variety of other methods.
• Dominance means "Being In Charge."
• Submission means letting someone else "Be In Charge" of you. 
• Sadism is the enjoyment of giving extreme stimulation which MAY include pain.
• Masochism is the enjoyment of receiving extreme stimulation which MAY include pain.

Most people who are interested in BDSM will like several of the mentioned activities, some couples will only like one or two. Everyone is an individual, everyone has their preferences, and everyone has their own special "kink."

Within each definition are more definitions.  For instance, the people who are "In Charge" and wielding the crop are referred to as "Tops." The person at the business end of the crop is called a "bottom".   People who enjoy being at both ends and are said to be "Switches".  Tops in a Domination/submission context are called "Doms" (short for "Dominants") and bottoms in D/s are known as "subs" or submissive.  What's important to remember is that not all Tops are Doms, and not all bottoms are subs, not everyone enjoys the D/s aspect of BDSM just as not all people love spicy food.

Within these groups there are even more subdivisions and shades of meaning,  such as the Master and slave within the D/s flavor of BDSM.  This usually involves the Master having been given the authority over the slave in some sense.  It may be a 24 hour 7 day a week relationship or it may be for the duration of a specific period of time.

In the definitions above I mentioned sadism and masochism and said it involved "extreme stimulation which MAY include pain."  Many people (including a lot doctors) might be surprised how pleasurable extreme stimulation can be. Many things which you would expect to be painful, can be quite the reverse to someone who is highly aroused. This is due to the way the body responds to pain. 

Incidentally, people who are not into BDSM are often called "vanilla" - after the most common flavor of ice cream.

It might sound like we're the people your mother warned you about but we're really very nice folks!  The bottom line is that all people involved, as well as the activities, have to be safe. These principles are usually summarized as the requirement of "Safe, Sane and Consensual," but we'll talk more about that later.

©copyrighted by swddancer July 1999