Floggers....and
Paddles....and Whips....
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Floggers....and
Paddles....and Whips....
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In surfing BDSM pages you will
see numerous references to something called "Safe Words." Remember
what we said about SSC....Safe, Sane and Consensual? Safe Words are
the checks that SSC is being adhered to.
A bottom/submissive uses a safe word to communicate with the Top/Dom. Safe words tell the person wielding the flogger "yea!... that's good!.. keep on doing what you doing!" They can say "Ok... this is getting a little TOO intense for me, please ease up a bit" or they can also say "ENOUGH!... STOP!... I can't take anymore!" For a new couple just beginning to explore BDSM and D/s we think its a very good idea to use safe words, even if you have been together a long time. Let's face it, the experiences are new to both of you and you're not really sure how the love of your life will react to that flogger, paddle or crop. Safe words allow both of you a means of exchanging information. If your the Top/Dom of the pair, its a good idea to get constant feedback through talking or asking questions during the scene. This helps you learn what works and what doesn't. With safe words you know what's going on, how your love is coping. SunTzu will sometimes ask me what "color" the activity feels like, green, yellow or red. My response gives him enough information to decide if he can step up the intensity a bit, needs to ease up or even call a halt to it. One very serious note here, when a bottom/sub calls out or signals that they want to stop the action, it should be stopped immediately. No questions asked, no recriminations, no guilt. Halt, stop, end. Its as simple as that. The reason I say this is that BDSM is built on trust, its the glue that holds it all together. If your sub/bottom uses her safe word and you don't stop, you no longer have her trust. You've crossed the line of what's safe, sane and consensual and could well have ruined everything you've worked so hard to build. Will she forgive you? Probably, but you can bet that the next time the thought in the back of her mind will be "What if I use my safe word and he doesn't stop... again?" SunTzu and I use safe words, even though we've been married a long long time. I trust him implicitly but there may be a problem during a scene that he is unaware of. Perhaps I'm having an asthma attack and need help (that increased speed in respiration can sometimes sound like arousal.) Getting enough breath to say "Darling, could we please call a halt to all this," is damned hard when your aroused AND having difficulty breathing. I can however, get out the word "RED." The action stops and I get the help I need. It doesn't matter what you use as your safe words. Some couples use numbers. 1 for keep it up, 2 for slow down, 3 for stop. Many use the stoplight words. Green for "go on, everything is fine" Yellow for "slower or less intense please" and Red for "stop now." Just make sure that the words you use are easy to remember and easy to pronounce. What about the sub that's gagged? <smile> a hand signal, a child's bicycle horn or a small bell taped or tied to the hand works wonders.
Copyright swddancer July 1999
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