Floggers....and Paddles....and Whips....
OH MY!!!

Networking...
Or Making Kinky Friends

There are a variety of ways to network with other people who share your interests. One of the best methods around is right front of you, your computer and the internet.  You already know there are hundreds, if not thousands of websites devoted to BDSM.  There are also mailing lists, online newsletters, Usenet, discussion forums, and chat rooms. The virtual arena is a wonderful place for those brand spanking (no pun intended!) new couples to ask questions, and discuss with more experienced folks some of the issues and problems they might be facing. It's also a great way to pick up tips on methods, toys and other ideas that you might enjoy. 

The Links Page includes a listing of some of these and how to get to them, as well as information on AOL and IRC chat rooms.

Additionally there local groups in your area (Yes.. even in Podunk!) that support alternative and BDSM interests. These are called "munch" groups.  Munch groups normally meet weekly or monthly, depending on the group and their preference.  Munch groups are a great way for new couples to meet other couples in a safe, non-threatening environment and exchange tips, (how swing that flogger safely and effectively), ideas for toys (a paint stir makes a great little paddle) and suggestions about where to shop for clothing or particular items to add to your toy box. 

Some munch groups very enthusiastically welcome newcomers. Others are harder to locate. Some groups are more formal, some not. While most people in the BDSM community are warm and friendly, they are also understandably cautious about newcomers. The vanilla world still sees our lifestyle as perverted, something to avoided and in many localities, illegal. People in the community may be hesitant to open up and trust you until they know you better. This really isn't a bad thing, the caution in turn protects you when you gain their trust.

So how do you become trusted?

Here are some recommendations that apply to nearly any situation, be it a mailing list, discussion forum, chat room or munch.

• Always be courteous. It doesn't matter what your kink or orientation is, you should always be polite and thoughtful.
• Don't pressure, don't push, and be responsible for your words and actions.
• Keep the identities of those you meet or correspond with confidential. This means that you should be careful about saying where you know them from. Not everyone is out to the world to the same degree. Some people have jobs and families to protect and others don't care who knows. 
• Get involved. Volunteer to help out whenever you can, its a great way to get to know others and they can always use the extra set of hands. It may be nothing more than bringing the plastic cups or dinnerware to the next potluck but it will be appreciated.
• Learn the community culture. Be it real or virtual there is a culture. This includes various sets of traditions and expectations that are somewhat unique.  Take classes, read the channel FAQ's, attend educational seminars, go to as many meetings as you can and read books.
• Be patient. Don't expect people to give you what you want on demand. Instead, try to find out what you can offer others. Remember that trust and respect are earned, not demanded.
• When you have questions, ask. Ask more than once, get different opinions, and think about them. Remember that everyone had a day when they were the newcomer. Everyone had to once walk through a door or post to a mailing list for the first time.