Things you don't want to hear your top say when you are naked and tied up

        #1: "Um, I *think* I have another key around here somewhere..."  

        #2: "Oops."  

        #3: "Um.  You didn't *really* need that, did you?" 

        #4:  "Which end of this thing am I supposed to put in there?"

        #5: "Don't worry. I'm sure there's a locksmith somewhere that's open at 2AM..."

        #6: "I promised not to do any permanent damage - but you know, hair grows back."

        #7: "Oops. I *thought* that was the lube."

        #8: "Uh oh.  If that's the KY tube, what did I just put up your....."

        #9: "Did I mention we're on camera and this is going on my interactive website?"

        #10 "Safeword?  Um, what's a safeword?"

        #11 "And this is my German Shepherd, Ralph.  I know you'll just love Ralph."

        #12 "Oh fuck.  You *can* untie yourself from up there, right?"

        #13 "Oh shit.  You do know CPR, don't you?"

        #14 "Heh heh heh.  You didn't tell anybody else you were coming here, did you?"

        #15 "I do too know what I'm doing.  I've read five whole Gor novels!"

        #16 "Now, where DID I put that extra attachment for the chainsaw?"

        #17  "Uh oh.  If this is the tube of Superglue, where's the KY?"

        #18 "Did I ever mention that little fantasy I have about the tennis balls?"

        #19  "Lie very, very still and keep your body temperature low.  It turns me on." 

        #20  "Oh, um, hello, Officer."

        #21 "My real name?  It's Bates.  By the way, I'd like you to meet Mother."

        #22 "No, really.  Trust me.  I saw this work in a movie once."

        #23 "You *said* you could service my pussy.....c'mere, Fluffy."

        #24 "You like my straitjacket?  Cool; I'm glad they let me keep it."

        #25 "Phn'glui mgwlnath Cthulu R'lyeh."

        #26 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Huitzilopochtli, didn't I?"

        #27 "I did mention I was a devout worshipper of Kali-Ma, didn't I?"

        #28 "Oh mighty Azathoth, accept this sacrifice I offer to You...."

        #29 "I'm sorry.  Are the voices in my head bothering you?"

        #30 "Groovy.  This crop leaves colored trails in the air when I swing it."

        #31 "Well golly gee! This is more fun than pullin' the wings off-a butterflies!"

        #32 "Dang it, this is more fun than settin' cats on fire!"

        #33 "You don't need a safeword; I'm psychic. My spirit guides tell me what to do."

        #34 "You don't need a safeword; it's groovy.  I'll just watch your mood ring."

        #35 "Oh, um, hi Mom.  We were just, um, uh....."

        #36 "I'm not crazy.  Yes I am.  Shut up, all of you."

        #37 "Um, I forgot - which one of us was supposed to be the dom?"

        #38 "Heh heh.  Look, Beavis, a tied up naked chick.  Now what do we do?"

        #39 "I'm not really a mad scientist.  I just want to see what happens."

        #40 "I promised no permanent marks, but I bet I can sew that back on."

        #41 "You don't need a safeword; I'm a True Master.  I've read ALL the Gor books!"

        #42 "You don't need safewords; I'm a True Mistress. I have WEEKS of experience."

        #43 "I don't use safewords; I'm Betazoid. I look human so They won't get me. Shh."

        #44 "Uh oh.  I think it's stuck there."

        #45 "I always keep the speculum in the freezer.  It's more fun that way."

        #46 "If it doesn't fit, it just needs more Crisco. Where did I put that football?"

        #47 "Don't worry if your hands go numb.  You won't be needing those."

        #48 "Did I mention my crucifixion fetish?  Now, where did I put those nails..."

        #49 "No one understands me.  That's why I killed her." 

        #50 "Bye.  I'm taking off for the weekend.  Isn't suspension bondage fun?"

        #51 "Oops.  It escaped.  I think I see it slithering off in the corner."

        #52 "Darn it, where DID my pet tarantula get to?"  

        #53 "Did I mention I'm a narcoleptic?"  

        #54 "You know, the Marquis de Sade was a pansy."  

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