Balance

I try very hard to be the best submissive I can be, however there are plenty of areas that need work. I don't think I've ever done something REALLY bad to deserve a punishment; I think the closest I've come is a direct result of losing balance and proportion in my life. Let me rephrase that.. of losing what balance I then possessed. I had received some rather horrendous news concerning an illness of a close family member, and was dealing with the shock of it when I spoke to my Master. After my explaining the situation, He discussed it for a while, then proceeded to speak of something else. I was not ready to change the subject; this news was of paramount importance to me, and had upset me deeply. My anger at the situation and frustration at my inability to do something about it was taken out, unfortunately, on Him. Rather than tell Him I needed to speak with Him personally, as I should have, I simply said night.. and clicked off the computer, without waiting for His answer. I knew what I had done was wrong, and I knew that I would have to answer for it.. yet at that point, it was simply a case of my not being able to deal with one single other blessed thing, no matter how important or trivial it was. I was on overload, and so I acted irrationally, turning away from the One who could, (and later, did), help me the most. To say He was not pleased is an understatement. The following day, I heard no word from Dr. Wicked.. I was still so over stressed, however, that I had worn myself out, and so went to sleep early, after dashing off a quick apology. Understand something ~ He is in contact with me EVERY SINGLE DAY... so I knew I had indeed erred when there was silence on His part. The second day afterward, I was told by a mutual Friend that I was in the doghouse.. yet when I spoke with Master no reference was made to what I had done. I apologized again, by now having regained my senses; still upset by what was going on around me, but now realizing that my course of action had not been the.. um.. wisest. He came with me when I went to visit, offering advice and an introduction to the doctor who would later help considerably.. this was done as a priority, with STILL no references to the prior days. After all was taken care of to the extent that we could.. He then discussed my actions. He knew of the stress and emotional roller coaster I was on, and so I had been forgiven quckly.. yet because I had lost control, refused to try and deal with things, but panicked, instead, I had harmed not only myself, but Him. That was for me the clearest and first picture of the importance of what He had been teaching all along.. the importance of Balance.. of not losing yourself when there is nothing you can do, but keeping a clear head and handling it. Of all the 'untraining' I am going through, of all the things I am learning, new ideas and behavior I am adopting.. this has to be the most difficult for me. It is against my very nature; there are times I hear the word and literally cringe.. but He is correct. This IS something I must learn. I am just grateful to have a Master who understands, and is so patient, that He will teach me the most difficult things, again and again, until they finally become clear to me... and then be there to help me implement the teachings into my daily life.