Strength It has taken many conversations and questions for me to resolve what seems to be a contradiction in terms. At first, I was only able to see what was, to me, a paradox.. I have a need in me to be submissive. If I grow stronger as a person, will that need go away? Will I no longer wish to give myself totally, will the fact that I am owned become something restricting, fettering my mind and spirit? Will I show that strength by challenging the One who led me to be who I am today? And so, with these doubts and fears, there have been many times I have fought His ways. The afore~mentioned 'Balance' is the prime example.. it was gratifying to turn to Him with a problem, frightened and unsure, and see how easily it was handled. Yet it was basically selfish on my part.. why should I be giving Him my problems when, with a little work, I could become capable of handling them in a more clear headed way myself? It was that that finally decided me; I simply had to trust in what He said.. and find the strength within myself. And so I did. Slowly, tentatively, I began.. calming myself when fear threatened, deciding a course of action, and rather than presenting Him with a disaster that needed untangling, instead asked advice on whther my decisions on how to handle them were indeed sound. I was at first surprised, then gratified when He agreed with my choices; I stopped, and took a hard look at myself and the things I had once been afraid of. Has my new found strength effected my submissiveness?.. Yes.. it has. It has made me even more aware of how much I owe Him, and how grateful I am to have His teachings to guide me.
