The Mask

I think the hardest thing for me to handle has been feeling as if I am now an imposter in my daily life. I look at people very differently; listening to acquaintances' small gripes concerning their partners and mates leaves me standing apart, sometimes half smiling. I know that where outrage is felt by co-workers, for example, at their men's demands, my response is completely different. I am more than happy to oblige.. (most of the time.. I am not a saint, now.. lol!).. I feel pleasure, contentment from performing whatever service is required, knowing I am pleasing Him. I have cautiously ventured a small portion of these opinions into vanilla conversation, only to be met with blank looks.. not one person understands. I've discussed this at length with Dr. Wicked, simply because I am totally lost. Why? Why would someone regard a request as a challenge, why would it cause a fight for someone to be asked to do something completely mundane? I know for a certainty in our case, preferences are always taken into account by both of us, not just myself. Help is given freely, although personally, I prefer not to ask if I can accomplish something alone.. simply because Dr. Wicked has enormous responsibilities without my adding to them. (and believe me.. I have heard His opinion of my behavior in this area quite a few times. Not with anger, but quiet understanding; He knows my reasoning, but wants to make sure I know my needs are important to Him.) He has explained things very simply.. in most vanilla relationships, there is a power struggle going on, over even the most minute things. Since both parties wish to retain their 'power', neither will give up anything, lest they weaken their position. How sad. I remember living this way, in another lifetime it now seems.. and was never happy, never peaceful; I never felt the 'cherishment' as I do now. Being the person that I am, I would more than love to explain to unhappy people how their problems could be handled; yet, obviously, cannot do so. I had originally thought it was the novelty of the relationship that made me want to share this with everyone.. yet now, over time, I have discovered it is not that. It is simply that for me, there is no better Lifestyle than this. I can share this with selected individuals, close friends.. but for the majority of people I encounter, I fear I will always be wearing the mask. Except that now... there is much less of the mask, and more of me. A quieter person, one who listens more to others.. but one who is slowly and very carefully beginning to speak of what she has learned.