The "untraining"

Now.. as any sub who has been there can tell you.. after your first experience of sub space, reality slips a bit. That is the only way to put it. You view everything and everyone around you differently, most especially your Master. You walk around feeling like a small child, wanting to hug yourself from happiness, and wearing a big shit eating grin that says to the world, "I've got a secret!!" It is incomprehensible that the world continues as normal.. but gradually the euphoria dies down, leaving in its place many changes. One of the effects it had on me was to make me stop cold. Fear.. amorphous, irritating, back of the mind fear was there. I began questioning my Master about everything.. His views on relationships.. ( non monagamous, which I knew from the begining, and understood completely), this lifestyle.. (on which subject He slowly began to educate me); always trying to reach the undercurrent of why I was feeling this.. discomfort, no longer fitting in the world around me, almost a changeling of sorts. I am strong willed and opinionated; that is a fact. He was, from the beginning, well aware of this, but unlike Masters who feel they must "break" their sub down, He was happy with these qualities in me. This streak, however, rebelled at the thought of "training".. I am not a child, nor am I an animal, to be slapped on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. Knowing my personality and nature as well as He did, He explained it in a way I would not find fault with.. "You are being untrained. The vanilla ways are being replaced with other views, and you are now learning the way things SHOULD be". ok.. that explained the sense of disconnection at times... but what of the fear? I knew it was not of physical harm; I can honestly say that while trembling at times, sometimes severely, I have never been afraid for myself, physically, regarding my Master.. so.. what WAS it?! then the light dawned. Lord help me, I was terrified because I realized I loved Him.