Together Alone We'll learn living let's be together.. alone. Dr. Wicked was with me through it all, but my confusion and pain was so deep it took me quite a while to begin to get a handle on all my feelings, even with His help. Alone. Alone. Alone. The words rang in my head, echoing, bringing tears to my eyes and fear to my soul. My Mommy is gone.
We'll grow old
taking care of each other
I'll be sister, mother and lover
we'll be friends
during changes of weather
let's be together
on our own
let's be together.. alone.
like the words of a good song
we'll learn timing
balance and rythm
we'll make it music
I don't want to sing it on my ownMelanie Safka, 'Together Alone'
I've found there is no other way to put this except simply stating the facts as they exist - my Mom very recently died. It was swift, painless, and caught us all by surprise, and, as you can imagine, has left an enormous void in my life. I am now, very literally, an adult orphan, with no senior relatives remaining in my family, nor any brothers or sisters.
Now that may sound childish, but I know, for myself, there is a part that remains that child, seeking the warmth, love and support only one's mom can give. That is the part that cries out, during the worst of times, "I want my Mommy!". I would never have that again. Or so I thought.
I had to empty my home, where I'd grown up and my mom had lived for 30 years ~ and to add to it, was the fact it had to be done in 1 month's time, and completed by the end of this year. A friend came with me, and we started the monumental task. Tears were in my eyes and I could not stop shaking, yet we worked on. Periodically throughout the day, we would find things.. notes, to me from my mom. She had known her time was short, and had organized everything, leaving both instructions on what to do and who to call after she had died, along with her last words of love and concern. I entered that house in the morning, feeling abandoned despite Dr. Wicked's continous attentions, and left that night filled with laughter and love, eager to go home and share with Him my new found peace.
He had counseled me from the first.. advising that my sorrow was not for my mom, who indeed had to be more than happy now, having being overcome with illness and pain on a daily basis, but for myself. 'you and your Mom were a team; no matter what, you relied on each other, and now that is gone. I am here, but it is not the same; I have not known you your whole life.. we do not share the history you and she had. you are Mine, but you are alone.' I had grown angry when He said that; I did not want to hear my thoughts put into words. It was the finality, the feeling that she was gone forever, that was ravaging me, leaving me helpless and unable to even think clearly. Yet, after reading everything she left for me... even to the last, she was instructing me, guiding me, and showing her enormous love.. it finally dawned on me she was not GONE gone. She is no longer on this earth, yet she lives through my memories, words, and actions.
Dr. Wicked had made sure my 'sis' was with me through the worst of times.. I was able to speak with her later, as well as my Master, of my Mom's life and spirit. She understood very well when I told her of my feeling of protection now, my own very special someone watching over both me and Dr. Wicked ~ my Mom loved Him, and I know she will always be caring for Him as well as myself.
It is Christmas, and I have chosen to spend it alone, having already celebrated with Dr. Wicked.. needing to write of this, as I do all other things of importance in my life.
Mom.. I love you. Godspeed, and enjoy the peace you worked so hard to earn in this lifetime.
Dr. Wicked.. You were correct in Your statement. I will do, be and give everything I am capable of to You, as You do for me, yet still we cannot replace in each other's lives the ones we have loved, and that is the way it should be. And so I say these words ~
'Let's be together.. alone.'
