CUFF Etiquette

General

• Safe, Sane, and Consensual. IF it isn't SSC, it isn't BDSM; it may be rape or abuse.
• Safe is a relative term, not an absolute standard. Safe means that the level of safety is acceptable to the participants (i.e the benifits outweight the risks - for them). It is generally not ok to say that someones scene is unacceptable because you are not comfortable with the risks. It should be ok, however, to suggest ways that a scene could be done more safely while still acheiving the desired goals. In some extreme cases, however, there is the issue of non-consensual involvement of bystanders. Play with a loaded gun, for example.
• While there are some online groups and even a few real life groups where all Doms dominate all Subs, this is not the case at CUFF. Do not attempt to dominate someone or submit to someone unless you have that persons consent.
• CUFF is not a high-protocol group. So, it is generally ok to talk to a collaredd sub without obtaining permission from the subs Dom. On the otherhand, if the Sub indicates they are not free to talk, respect that.
• Discretion is important. Many people are not out. So don't go telling outsiders about CUFF members if you are not sure the person is out. Be carefull about saying hello to another CUFF member in public when there are vanilla's are around. "How do you know fred?" can be a very awkward question. At the very least, indicate that you met the person at a bar or something.
• Do not take any photographs unless all people in the frame have consented. Pictures which accidently incorporate people who have not consented will be erased. Digital cameras allow the erasure of individual frames, many allow review on the spot, and pictures do not need to be sent to a lab to be developed; film based cameras do not have these advantages. Pictures will not be used or distributed in excess of the permission granted. Permission from the board is also required.
• For events which take place in a restaurant or bar which is open to the public, try not to freak out the vanillas too much or otherwise be disruptive.
• YKINOK (Your Kink is Not OK) is a bad attitude. Try YKIOKIJNMK (Your Kink is OK It's Just Not My Kink), instead.
• Respect members sexual orientations. This is a Pansexual group. Some members may choose to engage in some types of play with others who are not members of the appropriate sex (MOTAS) or people to whom they are not sexualy attractive. They are not obligated to do so, however.

• Do not interfere with a scene in progress, invade the space of that scene, or try to join a scene unless invited to do so.
• Be quiet in the play area when you aren't playing. Talking can interfere with other peoples scenes.
• If a scene is likely to be particularly disturbing to bystanders who are likely to suspect it isn't really SSC (such as a heavy consensual-nonconsensual takedown scene), arrangements should be made in advance with the Dungeon Monitors.
• Safewords will be honored. Party safewords are a request for Dungeon Monitors and by-standers to intervene.
• If watching a particular type of consensual scene disturbs you, don't watch. If you can't help but watch, you need to take responsibility for your actions and discomfort, not blame it on those you were watching.
• If you think there is something wrong in a scene, don't intevene directly (unless a party safeword has been used). Call it to the attention of a Dungeon Monitor.
• The hosts may impose additional restrictions on a party. For example, no fireplay or you will leave by the scheduled end of the party. not just beginning to pack up. You will dress discreetly (at least the outer layer) so as not to attract attention on entering and leaving the premises.
• Clean up your messes. This is particularly true of bodily fluids.
• Scenes involving Wax, fire, and bodily fluids should make arrangements with a DM unless specific areas have already been set aside for that play.
• Bylaws prohibit firearms.

Mailing list etiquite

• Avoid the use of Y/you, W/w, H/he S/she, etc. These conventions are used in certain chat rooms where all Subs are expected to submit to all Doms. CUFF is not such a group
• Quote the message you are replying to. Do not include to much or too little of the original message. Include enough so people can see what you are replying to.
• Use proper Internet message quoting style:

       Joe wrote:
       > This is text included 
       > from Joe's Message.
  
       This text is your reply
       to what Joe wrote.
      
  
         Do not use AOL style:
  
      
         << This is text included 
         from Joe's Message. >>
  
         This text is your reply
         to what Joe wrote.
      
     

• Do not repost private email to the list without permission
• Respect intellectual property rights, particularly copyright. Do not post material from someones web site unless you have permission to do so.
• Post plain ASCII text. Do not post HTML. Do not post proprietary formats such as Microsoft Word.
• Read the netiquette guides for usenet groups. They apply to mailing lists as well. (add link)
• Do not post to both CUFF-CvilleBDSM and CUFF-Contributors. Contributors should be subscribed to both lists,
• Post your real name or psuedonym, particularly if you post from a shared account.
• Do not post unsubscribe messages to the list.
• Use smiley faces :-) or similar means to signify humor, sarcasm, tec. People can't see your face and may not take what you wrote in the manner intended.
• If you are sending to multiple recipients in the "To:" or "Cc:" field, be aware that everyone who receives that message, directly or via the list, will see everyones name and address and everyone listed may also receive any replies. Put your own address in the "To:" field in this case and put the recipients address in the "Bcc:" (blind carbon copy) field. If your mailer will allow you, you can also put "Distribution List: ;" in the "To:" field instead of a valid email address; note the funny punctuation: colon, space, semicolon. One week after Club 216 accidently disclosed its member email list this way, someone sent spam. Much worse misuses are possible.

Links

• SSBB FAQ, section on play party etiquette
• CUFF homepage
• CUFF bylaws
• Return to my ( Faustopheles main page ) main page.

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