BDSM: Gnipa Cave - Home of Faustopheles

This warning and the blank space below are for people who may have inadvertantly bypassed the initial warning page. Mature themes, reader descretion advised. If you are underage, do nor wish to view such material or may not legally view such material in your community, please leave now. Otherwise, you may page down past the blank space to view the content.

This site contains discussion of advanced sexual practices; in particular, Safe, Sane, and Consentual erotic power exchange or BDSM. Negotiation, limits, and safewords are used to maintain the conseusuality even though some of the activities may, even deliberately, appear otherwise. Knowledge of physiology, psychology, and first aid are used to safegaurd the Submissives physical and mental health.

By reading the rest of the page below, you agree that you are at least 18 years old, that it is legal for you to view such material in your community, and that you wish to view such material. You agree to indemnify and hold harmless the author of these pages for any harm which may come to you or others as a result of viewing these pages or attempting to follow any directions or advice contained on these pages.

This site contains (as of March 2000) the equivalent of 72 printed pages of original content. About one third of that is on this page; the remainder is on other pages on this site. Of course, that does not include all the links to content on other sites.

Contents

• Introduction
• Linking to this Page
• Info for Outsiders
• Electrostimulation and Torture
• Vacuum Bondage (vac-rac)
• whips and other construction projects (separate page)
• Local Sources and Vanilla Pervertables
• Knots
• Safety Gear
• Safety Guidelines
• Sanitation
• Comfort
• Hot Wax
• Fireplay(Separate page)
• Negotiation
• Leather Suppliers
• Bondage Scissors
• Local Organizations (Charlottesville, VA)
• Play Piercing (separate page)
• Flogging Technique
• Links
• Books
• Glossary
• HIV transmission, by the numbers
• Feminism and BDSM
• Usenet
• SSBB Diplomatic Corps (Charlottesville, VA)
• Contact Info

Introduction

I am a novice male dominant with polyamorous tendancies living in Central Virginia. Currently, I have far more knowledge in this are than actual experience so I suggest taking everything written here with a grain of salt.

What's in a name? "Gnipa Cave" is the entrance to hell in John Myers Myers novel Silverlock. The gaurdian, and tour guide, of Gnipa Cave is Faustopheles. "Gnipa Cave" comes from, IIRC, norse mythology and Faustopheles came from joining the names Faust and Mephistopheles.

Although it is about twenty printed pages long (at the time I am writing this paragraph), this site is still very incomplete.

BDSM is advanced sexual behavior; it is probably best left to advanced people. Your average Joe Six-pack may never really grasp vanilla sex, let alone anything as complicated as BDSM. In his case, at least, the social taboos concerning BDSM may have some merit. <1-- Sorry, Joe, but baseball caps and leather don't go together. --> This does not mean, however, that qualified individuals should be deprived of this opportunity for fulfillment. 8% of the population has had "Sadomaasochistic sex", according to The Day America Told the Truth

Linking to this Page

http://faustopheles.mybdsm.com

Info for Outsiders

If you are interested in exploring BDSM in your own life, you will find some information here which may be of some use as well as links and references to other materials and organisations.

If you are interested in learning more about BDSM to improve your understanding but have no interest in practicing it, there is some information here which you may find useful and links to outside sources of information.

Some of the material found here may be shocking or disturbing.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual

Safe means that the activity is safe enough for all of the participants; risk has been minimized at least to the point where the benifit outways the risk. It does not mean that it meets some third party's standard of safety.

Sane generally means that the person is capable of giving informed consent. It is also expected that the activity does not pose a substatial risk to a participant's sanity.

Consentual means that all participants have consented to the activity. The consent may be explicit or implicit and there may be blanket consent offered for a range of activities. There are many activities which may appear to be non-consensual (including "consensual non-consensual" scenes) but these are actually consensual.

Electrotorture/stimulation

Local Sources and Vanilla Pervertables

All night drug store (CVS)

• Condoms, lube, latex gloves, finger cots
• Rubbing Alcohol, Hydrogen Peroxide, antiseptic wipes and other cleaning supplies.
• Metal Handcuffs with safety release (in the toy aisle)
• Duct tape and saran wrap
• Polyester Closeline, Nylon twine, and leather shoelaces
  The closeline is likely to be 3/16" diameter; this is rather thin for bondage and there is a danger of cutting of circulation and pinching nerves. Use multiple turns around the wrist or ankles with a non-constricting knot (such as a boline on a coil).

  Any of these may be used to make a servicable whip. Nine 36" lengths of closeline or 50 36" lengths of nylon twine folded in half will make a servicable whip. Similarly, one or two pairs of 72" leather shoelaces cut in half and doubled over will suffice. Whip a 5" section for use as a handle. Later, you can dip in plastic dip for a more permanent handle. For a quick and dirty solution, use duct tape for the handle.

• Scissors. Sadly, you probably won't find bandage scissors or EMT shears here. But you may find a pair of scissors with a fairly mean cutting edge but a tip which is at least a little blunt.
• ACE bandages are very handy for bondage.
• sports bottles, straws, or similar implements which can be used to quench a sub's thirst while tied up in an awkward positin.
• Sleeping masks
• Candles
• You might find closepins.
• watercolors and brushes
• Stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, thermometers, baby bottles, enemas and other items useful for specific role playing games.
• Hemostats and tweezers
• First aid kits and suppies

Walmart

Pharmacy

Shoes

Toys

Sewing

Crafts

Tools and hardware

Pets

Rope and Chain

Automotive

Camping, fishing, boating

Bicycles

Sports

Cleaning

Laundry

Men's Apparel

Other

Hardware Store (Lowes)

Wilderness Outfitters (Blue Ridge Mountain Sports)

Pet supply

Tack Shop

Spencer's Gifts

Dollar Tree

Radio Shack

Knots

• whipping the ends of a rope is normally used to prevent unravelling. The same technique can be used to make the handle of a whip when tied around the doubled over end of a bunch of rope, twine, or leather lace. Whip a section about 5 inches long (about 1" from the end) very tightly.
• The Bowline on a coil is traditionally used around the chest by cave or mountain rescue groups for emergency lifting, lowering, or belay purposes. I would not encourage its use in the same fashion for suspension because there are important nerves in the armpits which are vulnerable to pinching. This knot is apparently not widely known in the BDSM community but it should be. This knot is a non-constricting knot which allows multiple strands of rope or webbing to be used to distribute the force over a larger area. Handy for tying wrists, ankles, thighs, and other parts of the body when proper restraints are not availible. The regular bowline knot is also handy whenever you want a simple loop. Be careful which way the "rabbit" goes around the tree; tied backwards this knot can easily come undone. This knot can also be quickly tied one handed if you know the trick.
• The square knot is a very popular and easy to tie knot. This is widely used for BDSM, particularly by people with limited knot tying skills. It is basically two overhand knots tied in opposite directions (right over left, left over right). Be careful which way you tie the second overhand knot or you will end up with a granny knot
• The figure eight knot is only slightly harder to tie than an overhand and it is a very secure knot which is hard to tie incorrectly, perserves 85 percent of the rope strength (more than almost any other knot), and doesn't tend to deform into an insecure form as easily as most most other knots. If you double over a foot or more of the rope near the end (a "bight"), or even in the middle, and then tie a figure eight you have a figure eight on a bight.
• Any caver can tell you how to tie a tensionless rig. This preserves the full breaking strength of the rope and is easy to untie even after supporting the weight of one or more people. Basically, wrap the rope around a tree or an overhead beam five times and then tie a bowline or a figure eight on a bight around the main line. Note that if this is tied around a square beam instead of a round object, the sharp corners will reduce the breaking strength of the rope.
• When used in life support applications, a knot should be properly dressed (tightened and the shape adjusted into the ideal form) and the loose ends should be backed up with an overhand knot. The overhand knot should be dressed snuggly against the main knot to help prevent the main knot from coming undone.
• A triple redundant seat harness tied in one inch tubular nylon webbing could be used for a fairly suspension. These are regularly used to support a persons full weight for half an hour or so. Some chest and/or wrist support will be desired to prevent your sub from flipping upside down and falling out if (s)he loses consciousness.

Safety Gear

• Scissors. It is very important to have a pair of scissors which can be used to cut through rope, duct tape, saran wrap, leather restraints, and even clothing in the event of an emergency. These need to have aggressive cutting edges but a blunt tip which can be used next to someones skin without stabbing. To styles are traditionally used which go by various names including bandage scissors, surgeon's scissors, EMT shears, or ambulance shears. These can be hard to find locally and probably need to be ordered from a medical supply or bondage supply house. I do have a pair of 9-1/2"-10" fiskars serated shears which I purchased at a local hardware store (Lowes); the bottom blade is longer than the top blade (for continuous cutting) with a somewhat blunt tip and a notch which can be used for cutting bones, rope, and other round objects.
• Bolt cutters are used to cut locks, chain, and D-rings for emergency release.
• Fire Extinguisher
• Emergency lighting. Your scene may get a little scarier than you intended if the power fails.
• First aid kit.
• Telephone. If in doubt, call 911. They have seen it all - don't be embarressed.
• A soft object such as a leather wallet or a rubber bit is handy to protect the teath and maintain an open airway for a seizure victom (see the link to the article elsewhere on this page).
• Have you taken a CPR class?

Some Safety Guidelines

There are probably exceptions to almost any safety rule. These are guidelines; when you step outside the guidelines you need to take even more stringent precautions which compensate for the particular guidelines you are violating.

You will find some safety warnings here that you are unlikely to find other sites. There will also be warnings on other sites that I have failed to include here.

• Never leave a person in bondage alone. They could have a panic attack or emotional crisis, drown in their own vomit, have a seizure, lose circulation, or otherwise be severely harmed. Lots of fantasy material involves leaving someone for an extended period of time (the top goes to the local watering hole for a hour or two or even leaves the sub tied up overnight); this is very risky. If you really want to leave your sub alone for a while, at least consider closed circuit television - with audio; even then, you may not notice problems which you would if you were in the same room (for example, can you tell if someone stops breathing from looking at a video monitor?)
• Beware of constricting blood flow or pinching nerves. This can be a danger just from wrist restraints; there are important nerves and veins on the inside of the wrist. The backs of the knees are also problem areas. Make sure all bondage gear is lose enough (you should be able to easily slip a finger under it) and is non-constricting.
• Arms raised above shoulder height for more than a half hour may not get adequate circulation. Any coldness or tingling of the hands is a very important warning sign which a sub should be instructed to report immediately.
• Never tie anything around the front of the neck or which could apply pressure to the front of the neck when things shift.
• Don't whip the lower back - the kidneys are very close to the surface and easily damaged. Don't whip where bones are close to the surface without adequate padding (long before you damage the bone, nerves and arteries can easily be pinched between your implement and the bone). Don't whip anywhere where internal organs are not protected by bone.
• Before placing any bondage around the chest, have the sub inhale and hold their breath; the chest cavity needs room to expand. The sub may not notice they are unable to breath properly at rest but when their oxygen needs increase due to exertion or excitement they may need more room.
• In general, whip only the buttocks (avoid the tailbone!), upper half of the back, and maybe the inner thighs unless you have been properly trained and know where all the internal organs, arteries, veins, and nerves are located. You should familiarize yourself through both medical/anatomical sources and BDSM sources.
• The nerves which serve the genital area actually travel from around the midpoint of the spine and diaganally down around the waist and stomach. Even a tight or heavily loaded belt or fanny pack can cause serious amage to these nerves; imagine what kind of permanent damage a piece of rope could cause. This does not seem to be very well known inside or outside the BDSM community.
• Use extreme caution when constricting an airway such as the nose or the mouth. Leave at least one of the two open. Even that may not be adequate could be easily blocked by vomit, snot, or other causes.
• There is some controversy over whipping the breasts. Some believe it can promote cysts or tumors.
• Sanitize whips if there is any possibility that skin has been broken (even if you are fairly gentle, popping a zit is enough) or it has come into contact with bodily fluids.
• Sanitize all penetration toys betwen uses if they are used for more than one person. A condom may be used to "customize" dildos and other toys.
• Before blindfolding someone, check if they are wearing contacts; permanent eye damage may occur.
• Some candles melt at higher temperatures and will cause burns. More information on candle safety is in the section on Candle Wax.
• Ass play has many risks. Fecal material can pose a significant biological hazard even to the person who generated it; the lower end of the alimentary canal harbors many microorganisms which can cause problems if they are introduced to the mouth or vagina. Many diseases, not merely sexually transmitted ones, can be transmitted via fecal material; Cholera is epidemic in some areas with inadequate sanitation, for example. Anal penetration without adequate lubrication can cause not only extreme discomfort (typically not the erotic variety) but also serious damage; use KY jelly or other suitable lubricant and ignore those fantasies you may have read about merely using a little vaginal lubrication. Dental Dams are commonly used for protection during analingus and a piece cut from a latex glove or saran wrap can also be used; note, however, that none of these are as effective a barrier as a condom. The odds of HIV transmission via unprotected anal sex is about ten times greater than via unprotected vaginal sex. Use of a good quality condom (many popular ones are not so good) improves the odds by around a factor of ten, which makes protected anal sex about as dangerous as unprotected vaginal sex.
• Golden Showers are considerably less risky than ass play. Urine is normally pretty sterile and has even been used as an antiseptic in third world countries and during wartime when others were not availible. There are some diseases which can survive or be transmitted by urine, however; just ask anyone with a urinary tract infection. Hepatitis B, in particular, can be present in urine. The risk of disease transmission may be less than for unprotected vaginal intercourse.
• Submissives should take caution when meeting someone they do not know in real life for play. You may well find yourself at the mercy of a predator or someone who doesn't intend to cause harm but does not know how to prevent it. Meet the person in a public place to get to know them before considering play. Get references. Before you meet for play, let someone you trust know who you will be with and where you will be and arange phone calls and code words to call the police; an organisation called safetyNET has some more precautions and may be able to arange a safety buddy.
• Establish safewords.
• There is some question about whether whipping or beating breasts can contribute to cancer. Trauma to the breasts or oxygen depravation due to bondage can cause Fat Necrosis which will cause lumps which mimic breast cancer and may need to be surgically removed. For more information, visit Healthy Brest Bondage. Lengths of time you can keep the breasts bound based on the number of fingers you can insert under the rope: 0 fingers - 15 minutes, 1 finger 30 minutes, 2-3 fingers 45 minutes. After the specified duration, the breasts should be unbound for a minimum of 15 minutes.
• Don't trust a dominant who is put off by your safety precautions or tells you you are not a good submissive if you don't take risks you are not comfortable with.
• You should be able to release a submissive from bondage and/or suspension quickly in the event of an emergency. EMT shears may be used to cut ropes and other bondage. Bolt cutters can be used to cut locks and other hardware. Beware of hardware which requires you to lift a sub before you can lower them. Quick release hardware or cutting ropes may not allow you to safely lower someone in an emergency; it is better to have a setup which allows controlled lowering rather than just release.
• Beware of hardware which may fail under the weight of a thrashing submissive. Eyebolts/screws which miss the center of a ceiling joist or are to small or which can unscrew can cause an accident. Hardware which is too small can fail; use hardware which has a specific load rating (and use a safety factor of 7-10). Quality hardware can be obtained from marine and caving/climbing suppliers.
• If the submissive has Carpal Tunnel Syndrom in the wrists, you may need to use special bondage restraints. Bondage gloves or CTS wrist braces may be modified to make restraints.
• People with TMJ may not be able to open the mouths far enough or long enough for traditional penetrative oral sex. In many cases, however, they may be able to provide good oral service just using their lips and tongue.
• A top/dominant should find out if the bottom/sub has any medical conditions which could cause problems during a scene. Many, if not most, medical conditions may require special precautions for various types of scenes and in some cases may preclude certain scenes.

Sanitation

I have a surplus medical sterilizer. Unfortunately, it is basically a boiling water setup which does not get hot enough to kill some of the more hardy pathogens although it will destroy many including HIV and it makes a good prop for a medical scene An ordinary pressure cooker can be used as an autoclave. Be sure to follow the manufacturers directions for exhausting the air or it won't be effective. Heat sensitive autoclave tape may be used inside to tell if you have reached the necessary temperature.

I also have a real autoclave. Autoclaving and Dry Heat Sterilization (the latter requires tempertures high enough to damage most BDSM gear) are the only effective means of sterilizing things. Hepatitis B and C viruses (HBV and HCV) are resistant to all chemical sterilizers. Any toys which have been exposed to blood, and possibly other bodily fluids, need to be autoclaved or dry heat sterilized (at higher temperature and for a longer time than autoclaving). Ethelene Oxide sterilizers might or might not be effective against diseases such as HBV, HCV, and TB. HCV is reportedly only found in blood, not other bodily fluids. This means that ordinary sex is unlikely to transmit the disease (provided there are no cuts or lesions) but anything that involves even undetectably small amounts of blood is risky. There is no immunization against HCV. HBV is very easy to transmit and is found in many body fluids and can be transmitted by indetectibly small quantities of those fluids. There is a vaccine to immunize against HBV (although it is not effective in 20% of individuals); vacination against HBV is advisable for BDSM players.

Whips made from nylon, and which don't use cheap glues, can be subjected to much more serious disinfecting. There are instructions for making whips from nylon rope on this page; these are very inexpensive so you can have one for each person or they can be thouroughly washed and sterilized.

It should also be noted that there are many other blood borne diseases that are not normally considered STDs that could be transmitted by play which involves blood, even incidentally.

Hepatitis C was found int 35% of saliva samples and 57% of urine specimins taken from patients with HCV. The virus was detected with a modified PCR test which is very sensitive The amount present was 1E5/units/ml in serum, 5E1/units/ml in saliva, and 3E1 units/mil in urine. So, it would appear that blood has about 2000 times as much HCV as urine or saliva. J Med Virol 41: 120-8 (1993)[94110774] As little as 0.000040ml of blood can cause HBV infection.

Comfort

Hot Wax

You can purchase bulk parafin, sterine, wicks, and candle molds at some crafts stores and make your own candles to fit your own needs. You can also purchase parafin at many grocery stores along with other canning supplies. You can purchase bulk parafin, sterine, wicks, and candle molds at some crafts stores and make your own candles to fit your own needs. You can also purchase parafin at many grocery stores along with other canning supplies. Used wax may be remolded into candles (don't add even more sterate or other additives unless that is what you really want) the heat from the molding and/or burning processes should kill most nasty pathogens. You can hold scraps of wax over a burning candle to quickly increase the size of the pool of parafin; give this wax a little time to reach equilibrium with the solid wax. Wax melted in this way will have some black carbon contamination (which may affect the melting point) and if you add too much wax this way you may actually extinguish the candle. Also, wax may be easier to remove from hairy areas while it is still slightly warm and if it has been applied thinly. Fully refined parafin melts at 130-135 degrees F. Beewswax without additives melts at around 143-145 degrees F (lower if refined) but more temperature raising additives are typically used when making candles. Spectrum's Hot Wax article gives the results of some experiments on wax and downplays the affect of candle composition while emphasising candle shape. I intend to update the section above based on my interpretation of spectrums results.

Negotiation

• Scene Negotiation Questionaire from _Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns_.
• Patient History Questionaire for medical exam scenes. Based loosely on one found at Black Rose but it is in HTML so it can be edited.
• Things to do today. Intended as a guide for a first scene in particular. Oriented towards limits/desires for a particular scene with a particular person rather than more general ones. Does not include activities which would require significant preparation, that I would probably not want to do with anyone the first time, or that I don't have the necessary equipment or knowledge. Some of the activities would be pretty heavy for first time play.

Leather Suppliers

• Tandy Leather
• Siegel of California
• Buckskin Fur and Leather Co.

Bondage Scissors

Special scissors are an important part of bondage safety gear. These scissors should be able to cut through clothing, webbing, leather, and rope. They need to have a blunt tip so they can safely be used in contact with skin. They are normally offset. It is also helpful if they can be sterilized. The two most popular types are EMT Shears and Bandage Scissors. Unfortunately, these are hard to find locally. Since these belong in every first aid kit, you would think they would be readily availible at every drugstore. But drugstores carry almost everything except medical supplies. Only one drugstore seems to have them, and they are in the housewares isle repackaged as garden shears. Some of the high priced trail first aid kits at Blue Ridge Mountain outfitters do include either EMT Shears or bandage scissors. Every other first aid kit in town I have checked has had no scissors or tiny scissors. All of the scissors below still need to be used with some care. If a fold of skin presses against the side of the blade, you will cut off a good chunk of flesh, trust me. It is possible for a fold of skin to reach the cutting blade at the end although the longer bottom blade (not sharpened where it doesn't engage the top blade) reduces the danger. Using the scissors as parallel to the skin as possible reduces the danger of stabbing or slicing a fold. Holding the scissors and the item to be cut away from the skin an inch can also help, particularly if you place your own hand underneath. Visibility helps prevent accidents. Bondage scissors can be purchased from mail order suppliers such as JT's Stockroom.

EMT Shears

Availible locally at Eckert Drugs in one of the housewares isle as "Kane Gardener A7501 7-1/4" utility shears UPC 0-72724-0083-3" for about $7. Advertises that they can cut through a penny; they can - with a lot of effort and repositioning the penny partway through the cut for mechanical advantage. "Autoclave 143°rees;C".

In the tool section at K-mart you will find "Tool Source 7-1/2 In Power Utility Scissors 0-72000-73378-3". These look almost identical but are lower quality. They do not have the autoclave legend and will not cut through a penny. The wire cutter notch is not functional. These will cut through rope but will take several bites unlike the higher quality Kane model. On the other hand, the cash register accidently rang these up at $2 instead of $7. The poor performance seems to be mostly due to a lousy riviting job on the samples I examined; a couple wacks with a hammer took out the play and improved the cutting ability allthough they still did not perform as well as theKane scissors. I was even able to slice a penny in two after this adjustment. I tried autoclaving one of these, the handle melted and warped a bit.

Bandage Scissors

Other Scissors

Fiskars 9-1/2" Utility Shears (Lowes Hardware tool section) are offset scissors with a notch, similar to the bone cutting notch on kitchen scissors, which is good for cutting rope. The bottom blade is longer for continuous cutting and is rounded just enough (1/8" wide 160 degrees) to minimize risk of stabbing. Good quality serrated blade and very comfortable molded offset handle. Longer cutting length. Passed the penny test.

Various brands of "Bypass Prunning Shears" (note the word "bypass"). The bottom blade is rounded enough (1/8" 160 degrees, or so) for safe use with care and the cutting power should be substantial, particularly on the geared models. Most lock in the closed position.

There are some folding scissors in the camping section at walmart for about $3. The blades retract into the handle. The blade is quite sharp. It is rounded enough (1/4" 90%) to be used without stabbing but since the blades are the same length you need to make sure you do not catch a fold of skin in the end. The blades tend to splay too much whick requires you to press the blade ends together to cut rope. There is some danger of the blades overmeshing such that the sharp edges are exposed but this seems to pose minimal danger since you must press on the blades to get this to occur. Risist the urge to use them like a dull switch blade in a kife play scene. They are spring loaded and repositioning or relaxing your grip can cause them to open momentarily, taking a hunk of flesh from the side when they close again. Flogging Technique

My first couple flogging scenes didn't go all that well. I improved my technique and the next two went really well; in both cases, the sub started to float. The third scene lasted two hours and fifteen minutes, terminated by floating. The fourth lasted one and a half hours until the party space closed, with a break in the middle (she was in a vertical position so she had to be untied so she could sit when she became dizzy as she started to float; some stimulation continued during the break. Both of these were first scenes with the given subs. A partial description of the third scene follows.

This scene was with a delightfully responsive sub who described herself as something of a pain wimp. She was bound to a spanking horse. The same level of warmump would probably not be good for someone who really likes pain as such. She really had no idea how much she was actually taking. Some people might respond negatively to the super light carresses and tickling. Before, I was striving for too much consistancy in the force of the blows. This time, I maintained a steady rythm (although I used many different rythms) but I varied the force of the blows rapidly. I think that worked well at increasing her tolerance for pain. From a top's perspective, it made it much easier to judge the proper force of the blows by comparing the responses during the lighter and heaver parts of the cycles. For the bottom, the effect is kinda like music; there are patterns and variations within larger patterns and variations. Too bad I am not musically inclined :-).

I varied the types of strokes: figure eights, individual strokes, and rapid twirling. I varied point of impact and how the tails landed. Sometimes the tails just grazed, other times more of the tails were allowed to hit. Sometimes I kept the tails in a tight bundle, other times I made them fan out to cover a large area. I paid attention to which areas had been warmed up. I mostly flogged her rump but did give some attention to other areas. I experimented a lot. I used lighter strokes where the accuracy was reduced and let the sloppyness naturally spread the impact around. When I was more accurate and didn't need to worry about the tails landed in a bad place, I could use more force and would move the point of impact around deliberately in obvious patterns. I checked in frequently, which usually resulted in a kiss. I checked circulation and feeling in her hands. I dragged the floggers across her body and did the same with my hands and a piece of fur. When she became ticklish, I tickled her. I snapped her with a long rubber band (of the type used in the mumification demo). I used four floggers ranging from a very light sensual one to a couple thuddy ones to a very nasty rubber one. I used a couple vampire finger tips I made from rubber finger grips and integrated circuits. 28 sharp little spikes tapping, biting, and scratching. I used alcohol wipes for the cooling and stinging effect as well as for the disenfecting one. I used the tip and the shaft of a riding crop. I spanked her in the normal manner and in a very rapid, light, bouncy two hand way, very playful. At one point when I asked if she wanted to wind down or continue, she suggested winding down for a while and then winding back up so there was a little intermission; we didn't stop, it was just lighter. I carresed all over except for the breasts and genitals. I leaned over on top of her and held and carressed her. I even "flogged" her neck; making sure her eyes were closed I allowed the tails to fall around her neck and then dragged them back while she playfully grabbed the tails with her chin. I didn't use that many toys, partly because it was very dark in that corner and I didn't want to break contact rumaging through the toys. When I did get a toy, I tried to keep one hand in contact. But, I used every toy in many different ways to increase variety.

I was very sore for a couple days after this scene, particularly my legs. It is good to maintain a flexible stance (knees slightly bent) while flogging. This allows you to continuously update your position. At various times I would also crouch down to deliver blows from a lower position.

The forth scene was similar. I used more floggers including a light twine flogger, a heavy twine flogger, the monofiliment flogger, the tyvek flogger, and the rubber flogger from hell. I used a long handled back massage brush with nubs instead of bristles as a massager and as an impact toy (you can strike with the nubs at an appropriate level of force).

Local Organizations (Charlottesville, VA area)

• Charlottesville Underground Fetish Felowship
  Not-for-profit pan-sexual BDSM support, education, social, and play group.
  I am a member of CUFF. Detailed Map and Directions to CUFF social events.
  My summary of CUFF etiquette.
• Club 216
  A predominately gay night club in Charlottesville, VA
• ROPE (Richmond, VA)
  I have been to a number of ROPE play parties.
• Community Ties (Washington, DC area). Sponsers various events.
• The Crucible (Washington, DC area)
  For profit (but quite reasonable) Sponsers monthly BDSM play parties and rents and sells dungeon equipment.
  I have been to The Crucible many times and had lots of fun there.
• Black Rose (Washington, DC area)
• TALON (North Carolina)
• TPE (Frederic, MD)
• VPE (Richmond, Tidewater, and Charlottesville, VA)
• SSCN (North Carolina)
• Richmond Leather Club
  Almost exclusively gay male (although there are a couple women currently pledging)
• DC Spanking (Washington, DC)
• SigMa (Washington, DC) Men only.
• DC Fetish (Washington, DC)
  Weekly Fetish events.
• Bound (Many cities)
  Sponsers Goth, Fetish, BDSM, and dance events at nightclubs.
• Catacomb (Washington, DC)
  Goth.
• National Listings (Dark Heart)
• National Listings (DMOZ)
• US and Canadian Listings
• Worldwide listings
• The D-Inn (West Virginia, not too far from DC)
  New BDSM Bed and Breakfast
• National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF)
• National Leather Association (New England Chapter)
  Now international.

Toy Vendors

• Diversified Services is run by John Warren, author of The Loving Dominant and other BDSM books, and his wife Libby. John is also very helpful on soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm. He has a liberal return policy and is a very good person to do business with. He has TENS units for $99, accupuncture needles, and many other toys. He tries to carry good quality products.
• JT's Stockroom is one of the oldest online BDSM vendors. The sell the best Violet Wand availible commercially in the scene, to the best of my knowledge; it is a bit pricy but it won't burn out like most will. They have a number of silicone toys.
• The Toy Bag sells a variety of toys, particularly paddles made of exotic woods. They have also taken over the manufacture of Janet Hartwoods famous Whips of Passion.
• Good Vibrations sells a variety of products. Silicone toys are safe for people with latex alergies and can usually be autoclaved. Check out their Antique Vibrator Museum.
• 5th Avenue Silicone specializes in Silicone Rubber Toys.

Wherever you buy your toys, remember that it is your responsibility to learn how to use them safely. Do not expect the information supplied with the products to be sufficient. Refer to books, good web sites, and seminars and hands-on training from experienced players. In almost all cases, BDSM toys can cause serious injury or even death if they are not used properly.

Links

• Mistress Midori is a professional dominant who works on both the west and east coasts of the US. She teaches classes on various BDSM topics and I enjoyed one on negotiation she gave in Richmond.
• Different Loving Home Page
• soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ and the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm homepage
• Sartan's Working With Leather , Sartan's Affordable Leather , and other pages .
• Devious Toys
• Leather Creations
• U.S. Legal Issues and Sexuality
• cyberspace law for non-lawyers
• Fetish society $19.95/mo. Free web hosting.
• Adult Toy Chest has licensable bondage content (videos/images) on CD-ROM along with a variety of implements, latex garmets, pony gear.
• MyBDSM.COM Provides free web hosting
• Sex Spider search engine
• Fetish List
• Kinky Index
• Making Toys
• Cane making
• Sexuality.org's BDSM section includes Creative BDSM Toy Sources , Safety tips for food play , how to handle seizures , Checklist for submissive partner and Scene Negotiation Questionaire , Thoughts on Consensuality , Advice to a Novice Dominant ,
• The BDSM Toys & Accessories Webring
• JT's Stockroom has been on the internet since the 80's. Has some hard to find items like Bandage Scisors (section 4.4 as "Surgeon's Scissors") Dental Dams and even a Dental Dam Harness.
• Home Made BDSM Toys
• Cleaning Whips and Leather Gear
• An Introduction to Flogging
• Panic Snaps are availible for around $3-$6 from Leather Creations , StationHouse/Hazzardville hardware , tack shops, and other suppliers. Panic snaps are designed to release under tension and are very usefull for lowering your sub lif (s)he loses consciousness. It is no small feat to support, and liftg, the full weight of an unconscious sub while undoing a caribeener or other double ended snap. These are likely to be made of low grade metal, however, and should not be used for suspension. Higher grade, and increadibly expensive ($60-$100), quick release shackles are availible from marine supply houses. Still, even the higher quality quick releases still do not solve the problem of lowering an unconscious sub or one who is panicing or having a siezure. I will be adding information on special knots and other equipment for emergency lowering, later.
• stationhouse/hazaardville Hardware carries panic snaps, israeli Gas Masks, EMT Shears. Wartenberg wheels, and other items.
• A little info on sanitizing
• Assorted educational articles at leatherquest.
• The BDSM Embliem
• Jay Wiseman's Submissive Women Kvetch
• The Rose n Thorn Society and founder Sir Michael's partly commercial web site . Sir Michael has many good articles, most of which have been published in print periodicals and are reprinted on the Rose 'n Thorn society. He seems to specialize in Pony Girls.
• Adam's Sensual Whips and Gillians Toys
• Uncensored usenet
• Liquid Latex $12/pint, assorted colors
• Ask the sex doc
• An article on mummification
• Moore Medical sells medical supplies. Their online catalog leaves a lot to be desired but they have a large selection, low prices, and they will sell to most of their products to consumers. They have TENS units, sharps, first aid and sanitation supplies, instruments, and more.
• Linx Technologies sells good quality RF transmitter receiver modules for remote controls. These are for people with some electronics design skills. These are more reliable than most similar products.

Books

Some are written from a heterosexual, some lesbian, and some gay male perspective but all should be useful to people regardless of orientation. All try to address other orientations but the authors tend to write most what they know best. Those who are not tolerant of other orientations may be taken back by some or all; but then, these people probably are not ready for BDSM.

I am basically covering non-fiction here. There is also a lot of fiction.

Ones I have read

• Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission
  This is sort of what you would expect from a textbook for a college class on BDSM for people who are sexuality majors. Covers what people do and attempts to address the psychology. Lots of interviews. One gets the impression from reading it that this is an outsiders serious examination of BDSM (but the authors are actually in the scene). This is not a HOWTO book.
• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism
  This is actually a pretty good introduction with a reasonable amount of HOWTO information. Nice illustrations and pictures. Some constructin info. Written from a heterosexual perspective but should be good for people of any orientation.
• The Topping Book: Or, Getting Good at Being Bad
  There is also a companion book on bottoming.
• Learning the Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun S/M Lovemaking
  This is a fairly slim introduction. This is the first one I read. Helps the reader be comfortable with WIITWD and gives some howto and safety information for basic play. Pretty much says you need additional instruction for anything edgier. Written from a gay male perspective but intended to be read by anyone regardless of orientation.
• SM 101
  A good general introduction. Heavy on the safety information (the author worked on an ambulance crew for many years).
• Safe, Sane, Consensual, and Fun
  This is roughly 14 fictional scenes with safety notes in the margins.

Ones I haven't read

• The Loving Dominant.
  Oot of print. Previous editions were well respected. This may be oriented a bit towards the Bondage-lite crowd, although the author does pretty heavy play. New edition out soon (actually, the deadline has passed;amazon is taking pre-orders.
• The Bottoming Book: How to Get Terrible Things Done to You by Wonderful People
  Companion book: The Topping Book (see above)

Glossary

WIITWD

What It Is That We Do

BDSM

Overlapping accronym: Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, Bondage and Discipline. This term was coined on the (now effectively defunct) newsgroup alt.sex.bondage to encompase various related forms of conscentual practices.

Vanilla

People or activities which are not BDSM. This was originally used in a derogatory manner but is generally not considered derogatory now.

Pistacio

Opposite of Vanilla, i.e. BDSM.

LMNOP

A play on all the acronym soup: BDSM, SSC, WIITWD, etc. Can be used as a less obvious reference to the scene.

SSC

Safe, Sane, and Consensual. If it isn't SSC, it isn't BDSM. Defined more near the beginning of this document. Note that "Safe" generally means safe enough for the people participating, not for someone else; i.e. this is an individual risk/benifit tradeoff.

YKINOK

YKIOKIJNMK

Your Kink Is Not OK. Your Kink Is OK, It's Just Not My Kink. Do I need to tell you which of those two attitutes is generally not acceptable in BDSM forums and groups?

Dominant

Top

Pitcher

The one who appears to be in control of the scene. The one doing the flooging or giving orders, for example.

Submissive

Bottom

Catcher

The one who appears to have not have control in the scene. The one who, for example, is on the receiving end of a flogging or following orders. These terms are used somewhat interchangably but the use may also reflect the flavor of the activities (e.g. more power, less pain vs. more pain/sensation, less power).

Switch

One who switches between Top/Dominant/Pitcher and Bottom/Submissive/Catcher.

Scene

Can refer to an individual BDSM scene (one episode of roleplay or to the local, national, or global scene. A scene vs. The scene.

HIV transmission, by the numbers

   Female to male transmission: 1 in 700 to 1 in 3000
   Male to femail transmission: 1 in 200 to 1 in 2000

The chances of HIV infection from one open wound to another, which is probably the highest possibility short of injecting blood, is 1 in 100.

I think that public health officials have been irresponsible in making per-boff statistics so hard to get. Intelligent people need this information to make intelligent choices. However, there are many cautions with regard to these numbers. The numbers are probably averages for people with no open wounds or sores and with normal imune systems; your mileage may vary. You must also have a basic understanding of probability and statistics to apply these numbers. A person chosen at random from the U.S population has a 1 in 200 chance of having HIV. This is much higher in certain areas such as major cities. Also, a random partner is very different from a person chosen at random in a statisticly valid way. Picking someone by poking your finger in the white pages is fairly random; picking a random person up at a bar is much higher risk since you have skewed the demographics considerably. If you are taking higher than normal risks, your partners may also be, on average, taking higher risks which could cause the risk to be at least the square of what you might expect. A probability of 1 in 100 or 1 in 1000 might seem small to many people but you need to calculate the risk for all encounters during your sexually active life. If you have sex 100 times per year over 50 years, thats 5000 times. If you have sex with HIV positve people 5000 times, you are toast.

Suppose that the odds of infection for act A are 1 in 500. If you repeat the act 500 times, what is your chance of infection? About 63%. An interesting statistical rule of thumb is that if you repeat an act with a probability of infection of 1/N a total of N times (for N>10), your odds are very close to 63% of infection. The correct formula is (1-(1-1/500)^500). The following table shows the total risk associated with repeating an act with a risk of 1/N for a total number of repitions (relative to N).

Probaility (per boff)	Repitionts	Total Risk
1/N	N/10	9.5%
1/N	N	63%
1/N	10N	99.995%

Feminism and BDSM

Remember that BDSM is practiced not only with men dominating women but also with women dominating men, men dominating men, women dominating women, switches, and people dominating themselves. BDSM is not gender oriented although individual players may have fetishes for people of a particular gender.

There are many paradoxes in BDSM. A women who submits in the bedroom may be an aggressive corporate executive in real life. Erotic submission may actually help someone become more assertive in everyday life (domination may also). Practicing masochism may result in someone being less timid and fearful in their dealings with the outside world; it is even a rite of passage for some. Humiliation can actually help some overcome repression. By consciously including power games in their interaction, many couples are able to better understand the unconscious power dynamics of relationships which often include predefined gender roles and internalized sexism. Temporarily restricting ones freedom in one dimension can give one freedom in other dimensions. Although it may come as a surprise to those unfamiliar with BDSM, the submissive, bottom, and/or massochistic role can be empowering for many.

Abuse does occur in BDSM relationships just as it occurs in vanilla relationships. The BDSM community does not condone abuse and introductory material often has advice to newbies on how to reduce the risk of abuse. Some women have used BDSM scenes to aid in the recovery from past abuse and assault, although this needs to be done with much care and after the victim has undergone some healing.

"An abusive relationship is one in which substantial physical, mental, or emotional harm is inflicted, that is not temporary in nature, and is not clearly compensated for by positive and loving experiences over a long period of time." -- by louise lol, 1997.

Many women who consider themselves to be feminists engage in a subtle but very dangerous form of sexism. They want to be treated in a particular manner and they assert that all women should be treated in that manner. This form of sexism involves judging other women by their gender not their individual needs and, worse, imposing this erroneous judgement on other wonen and those they interact with. Feminism is about equality of opportunity and responsibility. Women who find satisfaction from practicing BDSM deserve the opportunity to engage in the pursuit of happiness.

I personally became active in BDSM as a result of a woman who found it very erotic to be placed in restrictive bondage.

A woman who calls herself gardenia wrote an article condeming sadomasochism in a San Diego lesbian paper but later wrote this:

nd what about all those things I wrote about in the SD paper? I didn't know what I was talking about. I, as a submissive/bottom, am NOT abused by any stretch of the imagination. I am wired differently... enjoy my sex and play and love and relationships with more spice than others... but I am *definitely* NOT abused. I am loved and cared for and tended to and cherished.

Legality

Even the most mundane sex is not legal in the United States. A blowjob (74%) is still illegal in many states, including Virginia; anal sex (37%) is illegal in those same states. Having sex without closing the blinds or behind a privacy fence is illegal in many states on the warped reasoning that a kid with a ladder might be able to see; gee, kids who commit crimes (invasion of privacy) might be harmed as a result of those acts (31% have had sex in a public place). Having sex with someone you are not married to is illegal (even if you aren't married) in many states. Sex with someone of the same gender is illegal in some states. Sex with someone who is underage, even if they are mature enough, gave informed consent, initiated the encounter, and lied about their age, is illegal (21% have had sex with a teenager); so, sex with a 16 year old college sophomore is a legal no no, which could be very inconvenient for the sophomore.

Laws intended to protect against domestic violence have been misapplied in some areas to prosecute people engaged in S&M.

People in the military have almost no rights. Ironically, BDSM leather culture arose among Veterans.

Laws in other countries vary.

The statistics in this section are from The Day Amercica Told the Truth.

Usenet

The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ is recommended reading for people interested in BDSM, whether or not you are interested in usenet or this newsgroup.

Before you can legitimately post to any newsgroup, you must read the netiquette guidlines in news.announce.newusers, the newsgroup charter (if any), and the newsgroup FAQs (if any). Your internet access can be terminated if you violate the charter of a newsgroup.

• soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm
  This is a discussion group. It was created when alt.sex.bondage was taken over by spammers. The group has a charter; personal ads, spam, repeated posting of the same message, and cross-posting to too many groups are all charter violations. Read the Charter, FAQ, and the required netiquette postings in news.announce.newusers before posting to this group. The charter is actively policed.
  Read the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ and the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm homepage .
• soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.femdom
• alt.sex.bondage
  Now effectively defunct. The group has been taken over by spammers.
• alt.personals.bondage
• alt.sex.stories.bondage
• alt.torture
• news.announce.newusers
  You have absolutely no right to post to any newsgroup until you have read the guidlines which are repeatedly posted to this group. Your news server is required to retain articles in this group for at least month (complain to your system administrator if this group does not have the required messages). All decent newsreader software will initially subscribe you to this group.

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